Monday, April 20, 2009

My New Gazal

hi friends:
I tried to write this gajal in the extreme boring class of Retail Management, plz  have a look and if u can find some good modifications/improvements than plz tell me,

कसमे खाते थे जो साथ जीने की, और मरने की,
आहिस्ता आहिस्ता बन गए अनजान, हमें खबर न थी |

खोजते रहे राहो  में जिनको, बिछडा मीत जानकर,
वो अरसे से खड़े थे मंजिल पर,  हमें खबर न थी |

जी रहे थे जिनके सहारे,  जो रहे थे निगहबान हमारे,
वही बनेंगे हमारे कातिल, हमें खबर न थी |

डूब गए मझधार में "मौन"हम जिनको बचाने की चाह में,
वो खड़े देख रहे थे साहिल पर, हमें खबर न थी |

©लोकेश ब्रह्मभट्ट "मौन" 

10 comments:

  1. Hi friends,, plzz write ur name below ur comment,, thanx
    LOKESH

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  2. are lokesh bos.....bahut badiya he..........kya bat he....

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  3. hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
    wow what a great shayari..
    kaun hai aap...
    mujhe aapse milna hai..
    i impressed ...
    thanx..


    Deepak mandowara

    ReplyDelete
  4. thanx mandu,, jab chahe mil le yaar apan dur thode hi hai

    ReplyDelete
  5. acchha hai,, ashikoke liye badhiya hai
    deep

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great lokesh ji,
    but remember one thing....
    aapko majdar main yun dubnai na dengai,
    khuda ki kasam, apke mahbub ko yun aapse rutne na denge.
    uski yaadon main, yun gazal likh kar.
    apko apni izzat bare bazzar, yun lutnai na dengai.
    lokesh ji words par mat jaao, bawnao ko samjo....
    truly yours
    Shailu

    ReplyDelete
  7. thanx deep
    and thanx shailu
    par mahbub ke ruthne k liye mahboob ka hona bahut jaruri hai na,,, par yaha to mahbub hi imaginatry hai,,, not in real,, so dont worry about that,,, or ek baar wo mahbub mil gaya to usko sach me ruthne na denge...

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  8. my loving frnd is going to take a right track of age & utilizing his power to capture attention of & rewind old lover ...........
    keep it

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  9. GR8 MIND AT WORK IT IS REALLY PROVED BY U DEAR BOSS.................
    I KNOW U R A TALENTED GUY SO THIS GAZAL IS A STARTING STEP IN UR LIFE MAY GOD PROVIDE U ITS BLESSINGS TO HELP U TO WRITE MORE N MORE THESE TYPE OF SHAYARIES.............
    THIS GAZAL WILL REALLY TOUCH D HEART OF LOVING HEARTS...................

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  10. Thanks parija,,,
    hope that loving hearts like u will support me always

    ReplyDelete

बस इतनी सी बात जान के जीवन सफल  हो गया अपना  पिताजी माँ से कह रहे थे ये लड़का ठीक निकल गया अपना लोकेश ब्रह्मभट्ट “मौन”